A Moment to Refresh My Soul -pt.1-
*the trilogy was written based on my 3-days-experience when everyone celebrated the "Rachnandyaguna"*
September 8th, 2017
I received my Physics test result with a bitter smile painted on my face. It was the second time I had the lowest score so far throughout my life within a week, 37.5. I felt really down, devastated, and disappointed. Everytime I looked at my paper, I started questioning myself. "Why am I studying here? Why didn't God put me in the same school I used to attend? Does He know that I'm struggling so bad here?" That moment, the only thing I know was that I'm a failure. I was too tired. Tired of the school, of my family, and of my life. I didn't think I'll survive even longer if I stay there.
But little did I know, that what would happen in the following three days, will eventually change how I feel when I look at the paper, and my perception of my life's meaning.
***
It was about the time for my Moslem friends to do their Midday prayer. Alda and I quickly changed our clothes and prepared ourselves, then rushed to the roof-down while carrying our massive bags on our back. We were sitting there impatiently, waiting for our friends to come.
That day was the day. We, the Christian student's community in SMAN 3 Bandung, were about to go for retreat. This year, the Fellas Agtien (3'2018) chose Pleasant Hill Villa in Lembang as the place where we were going to step away from life for a while and draw ourselves closer to God. We, the 10th graders, were so excited to go. And luckily, me and all my best-friends were in the same public transportation! (well, I prefer to call them my own family now, but please don't tell them I said so *laugh* otherwise they'll brag about it all the time *wink*) The excitement I felt from them and my two lovely seniors influenced me to be as spirited as them. I was so happy, and slowly forgot about my terrible Physics grade.
Our car finally arrived after about an hour trip full of laughter and embarrassing stories. The Fellas greeted, smiled, and warmly welcomed us. We instantly felt as if we're home. The place? It was fantastic! The view was amazing, the air was cool, the hall was enormous and cozy, and the bedroom (mine, especially) was huge! Me and my friends were so excited, that we couldn't wait to just go and do our very first activity there.
After a not-too-long waiting session, all of us finally arrived in Pleasant Hill, and The Fellas opened the event. Mr. Donny and the Fellas leader (which is Brother Kevin Lee *wink*) greeted us and gave us speech, followed by Sister Kharyn and Sister Febri that divide everyone of us into several game groups and roommates (I will use terms Sister and Brother to show someone older than me, so please don't be confused about that, okay? *wink*). And you know what? God loves me so much that He gave me the best group that existed! I was in the same group with Sister Gaby, Brother Bimo, Brother Tangkas, Brother David, and Martin to play, while I slept in the same room as Kiani *yeay!*, Sister Gratia, Sister Angel, Sister Ruth, and a girl that I forgot her name was (you're so quiet and introvert, I hardly remembered your name *sorry!*). We ate snack for a bit, were told to put our belongings to our room and be prepared for the next activity.
The first session was named "God First". It was Brother Irwing who was speaking, one of the SMAN 3 alumni who is now living happily with his very own family in Malaysia. And his sermon on the first day, deeply touched my heart. I was moved by everything he said that time. He reminded me about my priority these days. Have I put God first before anything else? He reminded me that I am different, and I need to show my difference to the others. But how can I reflect the God's character through my life when He's not even my number one priority? And right then, I knelt down and begged for God's forgiveness.
After an hour and a half of free-time, we entered the next session, "Go and Love Yourself" (I know, it sound very similar to one of Justin's lyric, but it's not me who pick the theme, so... *smirks* yea) with Mrs. Luki, one of Mr. Donny's friend. And for the second time, I was moved by a sermon. She showed me the phase of fertilization, how we are all winners before we even took our first breath. She showed us some stars which are somewhere around this galaxy, and a thousand times bigger than the sun. And that moment, I realized something. If the God I worship created such huge planets and stars, why did he even bother to make each and everyone of us different? Why he molds us one by one and remembered everyone of us which are 'microscopic' compared to the gigantic stars he created?
Right then, I know He loves me. He doesn't think I'm a failure, just because I didn't pass some test. He doesn't think I'm pathetic, for having such family. He loves me for what I am. And He wants me to love myself as well. To be kind and caring. To never harm myself, even when I think I don't deserve to live.
And you know what? Those crappy Physics test result didn't even bother me ever since.
***
It was late at night, and we were eating dinner. It was delighting. The food was great, and the talking was pleasing to my ears. We chatted and played some games to spend remaining time we had. And finally, we watched a movie to end the day. It was "I'm not Ashamed", a movie about Rachel Scott, the first Columbine High School massacre's victim. The movie, for me personally, was so depressing, and I cried when the movie ends with the death of Rachel Scott. We finally headed back to our room, did some afterthought with our seniors in each room, and prepared to sleep.
***
Have I told you that I was in the same room with Sister Angel, and no Sister Gaby? Well, having one of them in my room didn't end the story here, because... well, let me just tell you about that.
Sister Angel and Sister Gaby are two inseparable besties. Whenever people (well, in this case, our seniors *laugh*) try to set them apart, they'll always find a way to be together. In this case, right after the seniors get out from each rooms, Sister Gaby went out from her room and came to our room with some other friends (sister Monic, sister Vanya, sister Alphani, and many others). It almost felt like every 3'2019 were there and the other room are empty. They started to chat , joke, prank, and tell embarrassing stories to us, their juniors. They told us, Kiani and me, to never be hesitate when we need something to tell or to ask to them. They were so silly and loud (trust me, you'll see when you're with them, even just once). They made us laughed so hard, and my friends (the 3'2020s) and one of the seniors (our lovely Sister Depat!! *luv*) started to come to see what happened. And by doing so, technically, every girl in that building (not including the Fellas, of course *smirks*) were there, in my room. We never really know when we finally fall into deep sleep (I'm guessing it was 1 A.M. or 2), but all we know was that we fall asleep lightheartedly.
But little did I know, that what would happen in the following three days, will eventually change how I feel when I look at the paper, and my perception of my life's meaning.
***
It was about the time for my Moslem friends to do their Midday prayer. Alda and I quickly changed our clothes and prepared ourselves, then rushed to the roof-down while carrying our massive bags on our back. We were sitting there impatiently, waiting for our friends to come.
That day was the day. We, the Christian student's community in SMAN 3 Bandung, were about to go for retreat. This year, the Fellas Agtien (3'2018) chose Pleasant Hill Villa in Lembang as the place where we were going to step away from life for a while and draw ourselves closer to God. We, the 10th graders, were so excited to go. And luckily, me and all my best-friends were in the same public transportation! (well, I prefer to call them my own family now, but please don't tell them I said so *laugh* otherwise they'll brag about it all the time *wink*) The excitement I felt from them and my two lovely seniors influenced me to be as spirited as them. I was so happy, and slowly forgot about my terrible Physics grade.
Our car finally arrived after about an hour trip full of laughter and embarrassing stories. The Fellas greeted, smiled, and warmly welcomed us. We instantly felt as if we're home. The place? It was fantastic! The view was amazing, the air was cool, the hall was enormous and cozy, and the bedroom (mine, especially) was huge! Me and my friends were so excited, that we couldn't wait to just go and do our very first activity there.
After a not-too-long waiting session, all of us finally arrived in Pleasant Hill, and The Fellas opened the event. Mr. Donny and the Fellas leader (which is Brother Kevin Lee *wink*) greeted us and gave us speech, followed by Sister Kharyn and Sister Febri that divide everyone of us into several game groups and roommates (I will use terms Sister and Brother to show someone older than me, so please don't be confused about that, okay? *wink*). And you know what? God loves me so much that He gave me the best group that existed! I was in the same group with Sister Gaby, Brother Bimo, Brother Tangkas, Brother David, and Martin to play, while I slept in the same room as Kiani *yeay!*, Sister Gratia, Sister Angel, Sister Ruth, and a girl that I forgot her name was (you're so quiet and introvert, I hardly remembered your name *sorry!*). We ate snack for a bit, were told to put our belongings to our room and be prepared for the next activity.
The first session was named "God First". It was Brother Irwing who was speaking, one of the SMAN 3 alumni who is now living happily with his very own family in Malaysia. And his sermon on the first day, deeply touched my heart. I was moved by everything he said that time. He reminded me about my priority these days. Have I put God first before anything else? He reminded me that I am different, and I need to show my difference to the others. But how can I reflect the God's character through my life when He's not even my number one priority? And right then, I knelt down and begged for God's forgiveness.
After an hour and a half of free-time, we entered the next session, "Go and Love Yourself" (I know, it sound very similar to one of Justin's lyric, but it's not me who pick the theme, so... *smirks* yea) with Mrs. Luki, one of Mr. Donny's friend. And for the second time, I was moved by a sermon. She showed me the phase of fertilization, how we are all winners before we even took our first breath. She showed us some stars which are somewhere around this galaxy, and a thousand times bigger than the sun. And that moment, I realized something. If the God I worship created such huge planets and stars, why did he even bother to make each and everyone of us different? Why he molds us one by one and remembered everyone of us which are 'microscopic' compared to the gigantic stars he created?
Right then, I know He loves me. He doesn't think I'm a failure, just because I didn't pass some test. He doesn't think I'm pathetic, for having such family. He loves me for what I am. And He wants me to love myself as well. To be kind and caring. To never harm myself, even when I think I don't deserve to live.
And you know what? Those crappy Physics test result didn't even bother me ever since.
***
It was late at night, and we were eating dinner. It was delighting. The food was great, and the talking was pleasing to my ears. We chatted and played some games to spend remaining time we had. And finally, we watched a movie to end the day. It was "I'm not Ashamed", a movie about Rachel Scott, the first Columbine High School massacre's victim. The movie, for me personally, was so depressing, and I cried when the movie ends with the death of Rachel Scott. We finally headed back to our room, did some afterthought with our seniors in each room, and prepared to sleep.
***
Have I told you that I was in the same room with Sister Angel, and no Sister Gaby? Well, having one of them in my room didn't end the story here, because... well, let me just tell you about that.
Sister Angel and Sister Gaby are two inseparable besties. Whenever people (well, in this case, our seniors *laugh*) try to set them apart, they'll always find a way to be together. In this case, right after the seniors get out from each rooms, Sister Gaby went out from her room and came to our room with some other friends (sister Monic, sister Vanya, sister Alphani, and many others). It almost felt like every 3'2019 were there and the other room are empty. They started to chat , joke, prank, and tell embarrassing stories to us, their juniors. They told us, Kiani and me, to never be hesitate when we need something to tell or to ask to them. They were so silly and loud (trust me, you'll see when you're with them, even just once). They made us laughed so hard, and my friends (the 3'2020s) and one of the seniors (our lovely Sister Depat!! *luv*) started to come to see what happened. And by doing so, technically, every girl in that building (not including the Fellas, of course *smirks*) were there, in my room. We never really know when we finally fall into deep sleep (I'm guessing it was 1 A.M. or 2), but all we know was that we fall asleep lightheartedly.
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